The Numerous Numbers and the Magical Plus Sign
A play for children.
Welcome to And the Quest for Pop Culture, where I examine what works and doesn’t work in movies, TV, books, and comics and where I’m serializing my superhero prose series. If you’re new here (or even if you’re not), I just set up a navigation page to keep these posts somewhat organized:
Since it’s Easter weekend and Terrific is still on hiatus, let’s do something a little different this week.
I wrote the following short play back in college. It won the 2006 Chameleon Theatre Circle’s New Play Contest in the Theatre for Youth category. And I’ve done nothing with it since. It’s past time I rescued it from the abyss of my old flash drive.
If you’re interested in using this play in any manner, please contact me for more information.
(Pop culture commentary will resume next Friday!)
Characters (all gender optional):
One
Two
Plus
Equals
Three
Four
Five
(Lights up on a peaceful area. One and Two enter from opposite sides of the stage, pointing to each other.)
Two: One!
One: Two!
(They approach each other and shake hands. Number One seems slightly depressed.)
One: Good to see you. Been a while.
Two: Yeah, I know, been keeping busy with my new job. They got me pulling double duty all the time. But what about you? How’s life been for Number One?
One: Lonely.
Two: Sorry to hear that.
One: It’s okay. I get by.
Two: You get by? But you’re One! You shouldn’t have to settle for just “getting by.”
One: Yeah, I guess. Kind of used to it, though …
Two: I’ve got just the thing to cheer you up. (Calling off-stage) Plus! (Turns back to One) I met this guy, Plus—absolutely amazing person, has this special talent. Just watch. (Calling back off-stage) Hey, Plus! Where are you?
(Plus enters, cheerful.)
Plus: Right here, Two! And this must be One! (Shakes One’s hand.) Pleasure to meet you. I’m Plus, special adder of numbers everywhere!
One: I don’t understand …
Plus: You see, it’s my job to take a pair of numbers and use them to create a third. That way, they’ve got more company. I’m a huge fan of that old saying, “The more the merrier.”
Two: Plus, why don’t we give a demonstration?
Plus: Splendid idea! All right, One and Two, please get to either side of me, a single number per side, doesn’t matter which.
(One and Two stand to both sides of Plus. They stand in a row like a mathematical expression.)
Two: Just wait until you see this, One.
(The three of them stand in a row. Plus concentrates hard. Nothing happens.)
One: Um … is something supposed to happen?
Two: Wait for it …
(Pause, as still nothing happens.)
One: I’m waiting.
Plus: (struggling) Rrrrrrr …
Two: Um, Plus? Something wrong?
Plus: (still struggling) Hold on … just give me another minute …
Two: Don’t you usually have an assistant of some sort?
Plus: I can do this on my own. Really, I can.
Two: Plus, it’s okay to ask for help if you need it.
Plus: You won’t laugh at me?
Two: Of course not.
Plus: In that case … (yells off-stage) Hey, Equals! Get out here! You’re making me look bad!
Equals: (off-stage) What’s the magic word?
Plus: Magic word? What magic word?
Equals: (off-stage) You know the magic word I’m talking about.
(Two whispers into Plus’s ear.)
Plus: Oh! (calling off-stage) Equals, please come out and join me.
(Equals enters.)
Equals: It would be my pleasure.
One: What is s/he supposed to do? S/He’s just a couple of lines.
Equals: Just a couple of lines, you say?
One: I don’t mean any offense. I just—
Equals: Just what? Just think “a couple of lines” can’t accomplish great things?
One: Well, I—
Equals: What about Plus? Isn’t s/he “just a couple of lines”?
One: I suppose, but—
Equals: But what? Plus is taller? (Sighs) You just sit tight, Number One, and I’ll show you what a couple of lines can do …
(Equals stands beside Two so that the four characters form a complete One Plus Two Equals.)
Two: One, you are going to be blown away by this …
Plus: Everyone know what to do?
One: I don’t.
Two: Just say your name.
One: My name?
Two: Yeah. Just say it.
One: One.
Plus: Plus.
Two: Two.
Equals: Equals.
(A very enthusiastic Three hops onstage and bounces over to the other side of Equals.)
Three: THREE!!!!!!! Yippeeeeeee…!!!!!!!
One: Where did s/he come from?
Equals: What can I say? I got skills.
Plus: So do I.
Equals: You couldn’t do a thing before I got here.
Plus: Would you have been able to do anything if I wasn’t here?
Two: C’mon, let’s settle down.
Three: Why is everyone fighting? Did I do something wrong?
(One approaches Three.)
One: Oh, um, no, no. It’s not you.
Three: Are you sure?
One: I’m positive.
Three: Say, I don’t believe we’ve met.
One: I’m One. And you are … Three?
Plus: Oooh … I’ve got an idea!
(Plus gets in between One and Three.)
Plus: This is genius. Equals, would you please do me the generous favor of standing next to Three?
Equals: Why? We’ve got enough numbers here already.
Plus: Please, Equals. For old time’s sake.
Equals: But you know what we’re going to get.
Plus: Pretty please with a cherry on top?
Equals: (reluctantly) Oh, fine.
(One, Plus, Three, and Equals stand in a line in that order.)
Plus: Everybody, say your names, please.
Two: Two.
Plus: Not you, Two.
Two: You said everybody. Aren’t I a part of everybody?
Plus: I meant everybody in the line here.
Two: Oh. I see how it is.
Plus: You’ll get your turn.
Two: Alright, alright. Sure. You guys have your fun. I’ll just wait right over here.
Plus: Okay, folks …
One: One.
Plus: Plus.
Three: Three!
(They all turn to Equals, who speaks with reservation.)
Equals: Equals.
(A very disgruntled and unhappy Four enters.)
Four: Four.
Three: Hi, Four!
Four: Yeah. Hello. Why am I here?
Three: One and I added ourselves together! I’m Three, by the way!
Four: Maybe I didn’t want to be added. Ever think of that?
Three: Oh, don’t say such a thing!
Four: I was perfectly happy being off by myself.
Three: But now you’re with us! Three and One!
Plus: And Plus and Equals!
Two: Um, hello? What about me?
One: Sorry, Two. You’re really not a part of this.
Four: I don’t want to be a part of this either!
(Four stomps over to Two.)
Four: Don’t worry, pal. You’re not missing much over there. They’re kind of odd.
Two: Hey, I’ve got an idea. We could form our own little group here. A much more level-headed group … more even …
Four: Yeah, I like the sound of that …
Three: Uh, Four? The equation’s not complete without you! Come back!
(Two approaches Three. Plus and Equals whisper to each other. Equals dislikes the plan, but agrees nevertheless.)
Two: If Number Four wants to be left alone, you have to respect that.
Three: What if I don’t wanna?
(Plus quickly runs in between Two and Three, breaking up their feud.)
Plus: Two! Three! Let’s discuss this like rational numbers, please!
(Equals nonchalantly walks up to Two.)
Equals: I’m sorry … having trouble remembering. Your name was…?
Two: You know my name! Two!
(Equals turns to Plus.)
Plus: Plus.
(Equals looks to Three, who answers impatiently.)
Three: Three!
(Equals stands to Three’s side.)
Equals: Equals.
(Five, a very doubtful individual, enters and stands beside Equals.)
Five: Five?
Plus: Exactly.
Three: You tricked us!
Equals: Exactly.
Three: That wasn’t very nice.
Four: Just what we need … more of us …
One: It’s starting to get crowded here. I’m not used to this.
Five: What is the meaning of life?
(Everyone looks at Five, confused.)
Five: Just asking.
(Three leads Five over to One.)
Three: Well, ask away!
Four: Fine. Go ahead and join the odd numbers, why don’t you.
Five: Why not join the odd numbers? Am I not … odd? And what is “odd” but a label?
Four: Yeah, I guess you are odd.
Five: Yes, yes … odd indeed …
(Two walks up to Four and pulls him back to their side of the stage. Plus and Equals remain in the middle.)
Two: They’ve got us outnumbered, Four!
Four: They can outnumber us if they want. I really don’t care.
Two: I do! Plus! Equals!
(Plus hurries over to Two.)
Plus: Yes…???
Two: Equals!
Equals: What was that?
Two: Please?
Equals: Alright then.
(Equals joins them.)
Three: What are they doing over there?
(Two, Plus, Four, and Equals begin to line up, although Equals is resisting.)
One: Looks like they’re … could it be? Yes … they’re adding.
Three: Adding!
One: Adding.
Three: We have to stop this!
Five: Is it our right to stop addition? Is not addition a natural process?
Three: (to One) I don’t understand.
One: Me neither. Let’s go.
Two: Two!
Plus: Plus!
(Pause. Plus nudges Four.)
Four: (half-hearted) Four.
(Three covers Equals’s mouth, rendering him/her unable to speak.)
Equals: Mhmmmhmmm!!!!
Two: Well that’s not nice. Only an odd number like you could be so mean!
Three: Mean? I’ll show you mean!
(Two and Three are about to fight. Plus and Equals jump in between the groups.)
Plus: Everybody, let’s settle down …
Two: Oh, am I actually included in “everybody” this time?
Five: How can we be everybody when there are bodies not here?
(Pause, as everyone is confused.)
Plus: Okay, look … Equals and I came here today to help liven things up. As One had been finding out, it’s no fun to just hang around yourself all the time. We thought we’d be bringing more numbers together, not spreading them apart! (To evens) Yes, they may be a little odd. (To odds) And yes, they may be a little more even. (To all) But you’re all still numbers! Back me up, Equals! Please.
Equals: Yeah. (Pointing to each) Number. Number. Number. Number. Number. One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
(Plus grabs One and pulls him to stage right.)
Plus: Yes! That’s it! One! Right over here, please!
(Plus pulls Two stage-left of One.)
Plus: And Two! If you don’t mind. Alright, who’s next? Three!
Three: What?
Plus: We need you right here, please!
Three: Next to Two?
Plus: He won’t bite! Right, Two?
Two: Fine, I won’t bite.
(Three reluctantly stands left of Two.)
Plus: Four, if you will?
(Four shrugs and walks over to the left of Three.)
Four: Sure, why not?
Plus: Last, and certainly not least … Number Five!
Five: I stand next to Four?
Plus: Yes, that should work.
(Five stands left of Four so that all five numbers stand in a row in proper order.)
Plus: Isn’t that swell?
Equals: Warms my heart. Really.
Plus: Now this isn’t so bad, is it?
Three: I guess not.
Two: I’ll live.
Plus: You can do better than that. Everybody shake hands.
(Going down the line, each number shakes the next’s hand.)
Plus: There you go. One, Two, Three, Four, Five. I think that’s an excellent start.
One: I like this. I’m not all alone anymore.
Two: I suppose I was overreacting a little bit.
Three: You’re not all that bad, really.
Four: Whatever. This is fine.
Five: Fine? Yes. Yes, I think this is fine …
Plus: Fine indeed! But why end here? There are more numbers out there. I’ve heard tell of a Number Six … and a Seven … and an Eight … and a Nine … and so many others of all different shapes and sizes! Ladies and gentlemen, I say we take it upon ourselves to find these other numbers! Equals! Would you care to help us out in our quest?
Equals: Eh, could be fun.
Plus: Then off we go! (Over-dramatic) Let’s find Number Six!
(The numbers and signs all race off, eager to find the other numbers. Lights down.)
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this change of pace.
This is actually the second script I’ve shared here. Here’s the first, which is NOT for children. It’s not even a real play either …
Loved it - what a fun play!
And all the number puns - you even got 3 being the mean number in there! 🤣